Embrace Your Fears - One of 50 Ways How Not to Suck at Public Speaking

Nothing strikes fear in most of uslike being called on to present!

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld once said "If given only two choices, the average person at a funeral would prefer to be the one laid out in the casket than the poor stiff who has to deliver the eulogy!"

While that may sound a bit over the top, a surprising number of studies on the subject actually do rank fear of public speaking as the #1 fear in North America. In these same studies, death is typically ranked 5th or 6th. Go Figure?

It's hard to explain why so many of us share this fear, or where it comes from. But we do know that it can be managed and that the benefits of doing so can be enormous.

A recent survey conducted by University of Pittsburgh's Katz Business School suggests the ability to communicate is the single greatest factor contributing to one's success in business and a critical skill for anyone in a position of leadership!

Better grades at school and performance reviews at work; stronger sales and operating results; greater respect and admiration; exciting new opportunities; even fame and fortune are but a few of the many rewards that often accrue to those who can confidently, convincingly, compellingly present their ideas to others... and especially to those who can leverage their efforts and do so to groups.

What follows is the first of the 50 ways to leave your fears behind and become a great presenter featured in my new book 'How Not to Suck at Public Speaking'. Depending on how this one is received, I may publish a few more:

Way #1 - Embrace Your Fears

The first thing you should realize about fear is that it's actually a good thing. If not for our fears, most of us wouldn't be around today. Our fears are a key component of our natural defense system. They keep us from being totally reckless and doing stupid things that could injure or even kill us, like stepping out in front of a bus. They also trigger mental and physical responses that help us assess and deal with difficult and potentially threatening situations.

When confronted with a situation that involves a significant element of risk, our fears cause us to be highly focused and in the moment. Our endorphins start pumping and our minds are wiped clean of all of the petty thoughts, problems and concerns that typically reside there. The past and the future are of no concern. All that matters is the present. Things instantly become crystal clear, especially our fight or flight options and their potential consequences. We are 100% alert and ready to respond at a moment's notice. For this moment in time, we couldn't be more fully alive!

Our fears challenge, excite and energize us. Who hasn't taken pleasure from facing a personal fear head on? If not for the human desire to 'feel the rush' how would one explain the existence of roller coasters, scary movies and extreme sports? If you think people who engage in activities such as sky diving, white water rafting, big mountain skiing and the like are fearless, think again. It was their fears that drew them to the sport in the first place and the thrill that comes from facing those fears that brings them back.

Fears are not the problem. We all have them and thank goodness we do. The problem is that occasionally we let our fears get out of hand and respond to them in ways that are counterproductive. Often we attribute them to situations where they have no true basis and/or serve no useful purpose thereby placing unnecessary limitations on ourselves (e.g. the fear of flying). And sometimes we exaggerate them, even to the point where they literally paralyze us.

The trick to keeping our fears in check is not to ignore them, or to try to will them away. The trick is to understand and manage them. We need to leverage their benefits and control or mitigate their negative effects. In other words, we need to embrace our fears and put them to good use.

When it comes to public speaking, a little bit of fear is definitely a good thing, especially at the onset of a presentation. It sharpens our focus, gives clarity to our thoughts and pumps up our inner reserves giving us the energy to go up there and deliver our message with a level of enthusiasm impossible to achieve in a totally calm state. Manage it well and what you may feel as fear or nervousness, the audience sees and hears as excitement, enthusiasm and conviction.

The day you present without fear is the day you should be truly afraid
Jim Francis is the Founder and CEO of Wavemaker Consulting ( http://wavemakerconsulting.com/ ) and author of How Not to Suck at Public Speaking ( http://hownottosuckatpublicspeaking.blogspot.com/ ). Wavemaker Consulting is a leading-edge management and educational consulting firm specializing in enhancing individual, team and organizational performance. Wavemaker programs and consultancies focus on the customer experience (sales & service quality), the learning experience (training and educational techniques) and personal & professional effectiveness (presentation, public speaking, leadership & life skills).

By Jim S Francis

How to Conduct Article Marketing Research for Your Business

In article marketing, the writing can be hard but it's the research that can really drag you down. Coming up with unique article topics that people actually want to read isn't easy for many of us.

So how can you find some winning ideas? Here are six sure-fire ways that will get your creative juices flowing and set you on your way to creating plenty of amazing articles for your article marketing campaign.

Check out what your competitors are doing

Directories are full of articles that cover a wide array of topics, and chances are that there are plenty that cover your own niche topics as well. You can look to see what others are writing about to help boost your own creative process.

Let's say you are a beautician looking to broaden her client base. You can find articles about homemade beauty treatments, the latest hair treatments and trends, and any make up tips and techniques. Reading through another person's article topics can help shake loose some ideas in your head.

Remember: there is a big difference between snooping and stealing, so don't let yourself be tempted to plagiarize another author's work. Instead, compile a list of ideas that you get by scrolling through article headlines and create your own unique pieces based on those list items.

Visit Q&A Sites

There are sites, like Yahoo Answers, that allow users to post open questions for others to answer. You can type your keywords into the search bar and a list of questions that include your keywords will be brought up.

For example, if you type in the keyword "Make-up," you'll see questions like: What are some make-up tips for someone with a round face? What brushes are used for what make-up? What make-up looks good for dark eyes?

There is a wealth of potential articles available when you get to see what kinds of information people are seeking.

Look in Forums

There are forums on the web that cover almost any topic you can think of, so if you just do a simple search for one, like "beauty forum," you'll find plenty of ongoing discussions. Forums are a great place for people to go in search of answers.

Flip Through Industry Magazines

You can do this online as well. There are plenty of magazines out there that cover topics of all types. You can see what topics they are covering in their current issues, find out what people are reading by seeing what is being "Liked" and "Tweeted" by readers.

Find an "Idiots Guide"

The Idiots Guide books are a wealth of information and ideas. You can even just check the table of contents in these books to gain some more ideas for article topics.

Watch the News

Whether watching it on TV or keeping up with it online, the news always has new topics for you to look into. You can find out about product recalls, new trends, etc. If it's something that the media is focusing on at the moment, chances are people are going to be seeking more information about it online.

You can get inspiration anywhere; you just have to keep your eyes, and your mind, open to all the possibilities. You may find yourself in a writing slump or maybe you don't have the time to spend brainstorming new topics. Doing some research can help you find plenty of future article topics. If you don't have time to do your own research, or even to write up articles yourself, consider hiring an article marketing specialist who ghostwrites content for the web.

By Deb Lamb

Five Ways to Write About Your Anger

By Lael Johnson


Most people have mixed feelings about feeling and expressing anger. Various influences suggest everything from practicing extreme self-control, holding it all in (end result: stoicism) to showing no boundaries about sharing anger at all(end result: anarchy). Finding the middle ground is the place where you can communicate feelings and the facts of a given situation, without hurting or blaming the other party, and vice versa. When this first scenario occurs, you are creating more space for positive communication changes to occur. When communication is less than ideal, continuing to express anger in old ways will reinforce old habits., aggravating an already difficult situation.

I’m recommending the following journal exercises to assist you in finding more positive ways to express your anger, and become a better communicator. When I have shared my feelings, and the other party has been receptive, I’ve been surprised at how calm I became, compared to how uncomfortable, I felt prior to sharing my feelings. I also have had some situations where I either didn’t receive a response or the other party remained silent. What is most important in any situation, is that I reached out and began the process.

Here is the your exercise list:

ANGER SCRIBBLE:

When you have a strong reaction to a situation, start to pray and write about it. Remember to include a detailed description of your strong feelings including the facts of the situation. Remember to use as much space on a page as you can when you scribble. After filling a page, choose one scribble, and start drawing a specific shape over your scribble. Continue to scribble over the shape until you are finished. (e.g. You may feel tired or relieved. Your words may slow down or you may run out of time to write.) When you notice any of these reactions, it’s time to stop writing. Wait a few minutes for everything to settle, then move to the next exercise. (Note: You may substitute any ritual here if praying isn’t a good fit for you.)

UNSENT LETTERS: This exercise is an effective way to communicate feelings and information to yourself or to someone else. You can write unsent letters, when it might otherwise be hurtful to speak directly to the other party(ies) You can also write unsent letters on any topic (positive or negative). Unsent letters also provide a great place to practice your lines. Whether you write a series of unsent letters or one letter, your feelings will become less intense. Then you can prepare to have a calm conversation with the other party. You can write as many unsent letters as you want. When you write your unsent letters, you give yourself permission to feel the intense emotions that surface around a specific event. At some point either during, immediately or after you’ve written your letter, you will gain clarity about your part in the situation. You will also learn to evaluate your responsibility as well as the other party’s responsibility in the same situation. When you are calm again, you will be more prepared to make changes, including asking for a more specific communication change from the other party. You can continue to follow-up your unsent letters with prayers of blessing for the other party. As you continue to bless the other party, room is made for positive changes to happen in yourself and the other party. When you write an unsent letter, it demonstrates your courage and willingness, to make serious changes in a difficult situation.
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WRITING A DIALOGUE: Writing an imagined or real conversation you had with the other party, can help let out some of your anger. It’s useful to put words or images to your feelings.

Start your dialogue with two voices, the letter “A” (for your voice) and “B” (for the other person’s voice).

Be sure to allow both voices time to speak.

Don’t worry about writing a perfect dialogue.

Use as much detail as you can. Your descriptive skills will improve with each unsent letter that you write. For example, if I feel my anger burning like fire, then I would want to say “I’m burning up over this situation.” If I am feeling a sense of resentment (something deep, quiet and very intense, that never quite goes away, then I might say, “I’m really frustrated about _______ now, can we talk about it for a few minutes?” Remember that no intense feeling is worth ignoring. It’s much better to express your feelings a few at a time, than to pay the price of those same feelings causing problems for you in the future.

“I AM FEELING” STATEMENTS:

Writing sentences that begin with “I am feeling …” is a good way to verbalize all of your feelings about a difficult situation. I want to remind you that may express other feelings along with your anger. When you start your journaling, focus on your anger first, then write about your other feelings. I suggest that you write a minimum of ten feeling statements. Put the list away. Move on to the next exercise.

DRAW A PICTURE:

Draw several pictures of your anger. All types of drawing are allowed. Remember what I said about “My anger is burning…” Write a visual image of your anger. I want you to use as many senses in your picture as you can. (Note: you may also use this exercise to visualize other strong feelings)

COMBINE WORDS AND PICTURES:

Now look at your list of “I am” sentences. Match as many of your picture(s) with your “I am feeling…” sentences as you can. (For example: I am feeling angry about…put a picture of a fire next to the written statement. When you are finished, circle one or two combinations that best describe your current feelings. Be sure to write a summary sentence about your two choices.

STARTING CLOSURE:

Let’s stop and review the work you’ve already done. You have written an initial unsent letter about your anger. You’ve explored some of your feelings in detail. You’ve summarized your feelings using a combination of drawing and writing. Now write one action you could have taken to keep the earlier situation from accelerating. Write another sentence describing one action that the other party could have taken. Write down one positive action you are willing to take to change your anger expression now, remember to include a specific completion time and date. If you pray, start praying for good to come to the other party. I would recommend that you pray for at least a few times a week working up to praying daily for a month or until your strong negative feelings disappear.

Take your time working through these exercises. If you find yourself, unable to move on to the next exercise. Then write a short paragraph why you don’t want to move on. Take a break and start the new exercise the next day. Look forward to celebrating your freedom from past buried feelings.

Tongue Tied When it Comes to Condolences? Simple Strategies Help You Speak and Write With Ease

By Gail Hamilton



It can happen to us all. When faced with conveying condolences, we freeze up, mumble miserably or mouth a bunch of stilted cliches that in no way communicate the real sympathy we feel in our hearts. Then we just want to escape the presence of the bereaved as soon as possible, all the while beating ourselves up about our ham-handed behavior. "Why couldn't I do better," we demand of ourselves. "It looked as though I don't care - when I really do!"

Something about the face of grief can make us deeply uncomfortable so that we often perform worst just when our comforting words are needed the most. Below are some simple strategies to deal with this very human situation.

1. Be prompt. The longer you wait, the more uneasy you will be. A face-to-face visit it is best, though a personal letter, hand written, is also good if you cannot meet. Call upon the bereaved and begin by expressing your sympathy.

Say something like, " I want to give you my condolences on the death your Aunt Emma. As soon as I heard, I started thinking of you. You know that all my sympathies are with you." Make sure you mention the name of the deceased.

Most of us get this far before we find we don't know what else to say. Then the discomfort really sets in. So before you start shifting from foot to foot, plunge straight ahead.

2. Come up with some memories of the deceased. While you may fear that these will distress the bereaved, it's much more likely they will really appreciate knowing how their loved one touched your life.

"Your Aunt Emma," you can relate, "used to give my brother and me peppermints if we met her on our way to school. Peppermints are still my favorites because of her. And remember when she coached our drama club? That year, she had even me convinced I could be a star."

As you go down memory lane, your nervousness will vanish and you may even find yourself and the bereaved smiling fondly.

3. This will lead so easily to the next step which is to offer any help you can. Make sure your offer is sincere, and that the bereaved knows you will really come though. Now is the time for thoughtful consideration of what the bereaved might need.

"I'd love to look after your little dog while you are away clearing up your aunt's estate." Or, "We'd love to have you over for dinner if you're feeling up to it." Or "I'll be happy to drive you to the train whenever you want."

4. On leaving, repeat more words of comfort.

"Your Aunt Emma used to talk about you all the time. I'm sure you know how proud she was of you. She is leaving you a lot of happy memories."

If you take some time to plan ahead, decide on some special things to say, and follow the simple steps above, you will find that you can give condolences from the heart and never have to fear awkwardness again.

How To Learn To Speak Spanish

Spanish is a great language to learn - easy and widely used in the world and hence, knowing it would definitely be an advantage for you. The best way to learn to speak Spanish is to speak Spanish. Actually, the very effort of trying to speak Spanish would force you to look for the relevant words - and this is the way you would remember them as well.
Of course, you would need to have a structured teaching plan to study the language as well. At the same time, right from the beginning you should speak the language. As you would struggle to find the right words you would identify these words and remember these words – hence, you would advance much faster in your mastery over the language. Usually, people who are learning a new language limit themselves to the exercises that the course provides and then forget about it.

Speaking Is Learning
This course would teach you step by step grammar, vocabulary and Spanish expressions so you could be able to converse fluently in the time span of the course.
However, when you try to speak you would double the efforts in finding the right words and expressions halving the time you would need to master the language.

How Do You Use The Speaking Method
How do you use the speaking method? With whom should you speak the language as you are learning it? Find a person who knows Spanish – this could be a friend, your tutor, or Spanish friends online. You would need to identify such a person or persons who could speak (speak not chat) with you daily. While you dialogue you would be able to listen to vocalization of expressions, pick up the right accent and catch new words. At the same time, you would be forced to search for the right words to converse.
The rule should be that no English words should be used. You would also have the opportunity of learning on your feet because you would be corrected while you speak.

Speak And Write Spanish
As you learn to speak Spanish use the same friends to correspond in writing. When you feel that you have learnt just enough to verbalize your thoughts into Spanish, apply it to writing. This is another great way of upgrading your vocabulary and mastery over the language.
Apply this method and you would find that learning to speak Spanish is not as difficult as you would have thought. Have fun!

If you paid someone to care for a child so you could work, you may be able claim a tax credit for child and dependent care expenses on your federal income tax return. This credit is available to people who, in order to work or to look for work, have to pay for child care services for dependents under age 13.
The credit is a percentage, based on your adjusted gross income, of the amount of work-related child and dependent care expenses you paid to a care provider. The credit can range from 20 to 35 percent of your qualifying expenses, depending upon your income.

To claim the credit for child and dependent care expenses, you must meet the following conditions:
1. You must have earned income from wages, salaries, tips or other taxable employee compensation, or net earnings from self-employment. If you are married, both you and your spouse must have earned income, unless one spouse was either a full-time student or was physically or mentally incapable of self-care.
2. The payments for care cannot be paid to someone you can claim as a dependent or to your child who is under age 19.
3. Your filing status must be single, head of household, qualifying widow(er) with a dependent child, or married filing jointly.
4. Your children must reside with you.

What is a “qualifying” child? The child must have been under age 13 when care was provided and you must be able to claim the child as an exemption on your tax return. A spouse who is mentally or physically unable to care for himself or herself also qualifies.
You should read IRS publication 503 or speak with a tax professional to learn more.